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Childhood Causes
Since
children are very vulnerable, there are many difficult events in childhood
that can lead to painful memories. These include:
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Sexual or Physical abuse
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Emotional or verbal abuse
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Death or serious illness of a parent, grandparent
or close relative
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Family substance abuse or alcoholism
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Divorce or separation
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Domestic violence
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Incarceration of a family member
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A family member’s depression or mental illness
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Severe teasing/bullying
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Emotional or physical neglect
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Painful memories can
fully heal.
Powerful techniques have been developed over the past 10-15 years to
help people identify the effects of painful memories and to get those
memories to fully heal. After appropriate treatment most people report that
they can’t get themselves upset about the memory no matter how hard they
try. It is now possible for people to reach a place of peace about even the
most horrible things imaginable. |
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Adult Causes
There are
many events that can cause painful memories for adults including:
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Sudden or traumatic deaths of
loved ones
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Serious accidents, illnesses or
injuries to self or loved ones
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Rape or sexual assaults
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Physical assault, mugging or
domestic violence
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Military combat
Vulnerable Times
Less severe events such as romantic breakups or
being fired from a job can cause long-lasting emotional wounds when you are
at a particularly vulnerable time (such as being pregnant or during
prolonged stress).
Partially healed
memories can cause hidden problems.
When a memory heals just enough so that
you don’t think about it anymore it can cause hidden problems. Let’s say
that you witnessed domestic violence as a child or that your first boyfriend
beat you. Recalling this memory brings up intense fear and anger. The memory
partially heals and so for years you haven’t consciously thought about it.
It will seem to you that the memory isn’t affecting your life because you
are no longer conscious of its influence. An argument with your spouse now
may trigger this unhealed memory causing you to overreact with fear and
anger. But since you have learned to keep the memory itself from coming into
consciousness you will have no idea that the memory has had any effect.
Instead you will probably just think that you are an overly emotional person
or that you in fact must not really love your spouse.
These hidden emotional reactions can
lead you to make wrong decisions. For instance, women who were sexually
abused as children often get a strong urge to divorce their husband when
their daughter reaches the age that they were abused. |
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